It’s Spring. The New Yorker’s latest cover features naked satyr’s ravishing each other in Central Park. Tiger Woods is back. Sex is floating in the air (ever-present, loud), not unlike the sound from the jackhammer outside my window right now. The Morning Benders – who I had the privilege of watching live not long ago in the studio apartment HQ of Epilogue Magazine – have your soundtrack:
You tried to taste me,
And I taped my tongue to the southern tip of your body.
Our bones are too heavy to come up,
Squished into a single cell of wood.
I made an excuse.
You found another way to tell the truth.
I put no one else above us.
We’ll still be best friends when all turns to dust.
We are so smooth now.
Our edges are beaten drift wood and whittled down.
Old bodies slip when they make love.
We’ll mine our sparks to shoot us above!
Hot! Heavy! Awkward first encounters! Some say this is the best song of 2010 (so far!); it’s not, because this is, but “Excuses” is delightful. Enjoy:
Apparently the f-word (f…u…c…k) has proved difficult for dictionarists over the years. Slate presents complications I had never even realized existed (not for the conservative of mind):
Thus, you can’t fuck someone in the ass with a dildo, according to the current edition of the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary, the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, the American Heritage Dictionary, and Webster’s New World Dictionary. The whore in Portnoy’s Complaint “who fucks the curtain with her bare twat” can’t do that, according to American Heritage, Webster’s New World, Random House, or Encarta. Lesbians can’t fuck each other at all, according to Webster’s New World and Encarta (though if they use a strap-on, Encarta becomes OK with it). Fucking a woman’s breasts is only possible according to Merriam-Webster. Finger-fucking and fist-fucking are impossible according to Webster’s New World, Random House, and American Heritage; Merriam allows it, but only if it’s vaginal and not anal. Only the OED, whose entry for the word I edited, defines fuck to encompass sexual acts beyond “sexual intercourse.”
The author, word-maven Jesse Sheidlower, has a new book that delves more, umm, deeply into the, well, subject. Sorry. Like, seriously, I’m sorry.
Thank you, New York Times, for this. A story without images just would not have been the same.