McSweeney’s Monday

The following is A Message Of Apology From The Commander of Undersea EnviroDome 25-B:

I know that our current situation is rather bleak, trapped in this EnviroDome miles beneath the sea without supplies and under constant attack by genetically-modified smart eels. When I became Commander, I took an oath pledging to protect the residents of EnviroDome 25-B, and truth be told, I realize now that perhaps I failed in that oath with several questionable judgment calls.

If I had it all to do over again, I would have killed the first cloned eel I made that was capable of performing lower-level mathematical functions.

There’s more, here.

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